


The Valentine's Day Bet

by rchcc122



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bets & Wagers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rchcc122/pseuds/rchcc122
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After stumbling upon Usopp and Nami having a conversation about pairings, Sanji and Zoro find themselves in a heated competition. Who will be the first to pick up a Valentine date?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Valentine's Day Bet

            “So we’ve decided on ‘watermelon’?” it seemed like a simple enough comment as Zoro passed by two very concentrated members of their crew. Usopp and Nami were seated at the small fold-out table with fold-out chairs that was kept for warm, sunny days like today.

            “Yeah, and this one is Four-Three,” Nami nodded, making a mark on a piece of paper with her pen, “While this one is ‘Doggy Style.’” The two didn’t notice the swordsman stopping as he tried, and failed, to continue his trek to his napping spot. Despite every fiber of his being telling him to not ask, he betrayed his instinct.

            “What are you two going on about this time?”

            There was a pause, a heavy blanket made of awkwardness and racing minds draped over the trio as Zoro immediately regretted his decision to ask.

            “… What does ‘watermelon’ mean?” He asked slowly, knowing it to be yet another question he would regret.

            “Well, you see-” Usopp started, but soon found himself silenced as he struggled to find out how to exactly explain what Zoro should be seeing, “Nami and I were just talking about- well, it’s February 14th and we started thinking-”

            “February 14th?” Zoro tilted his head, “What does that have to do with anything?”

            Sweat started to bead along Usopp’s hairline as his hands balled into nervous fists. Zoro’s gaze was boring into him and he had a feeling one wrong word and he’d have an angry swordsman after him. Maybe he could think up a good lie? It was a good thing that Zoro wasn’t very bright. Maybe he could-

            “It’s Valentine’s Day you dolt,” Usopp gulped, staring with wide-eyes at the young, orange-haired woman who seemed ready to reveal what the two had been up to.

            “Valentine’s Day? Do you guys eat watermelon on Valentine’s Day or something?”

            “No! That’s your couple name with Perona,” Nami shook her head as she lifted up the sheet of paper- displaying her and Usopp’s planning to the swordsman, “You and Tashigi are ‘Four-Three’ –y’know, four eyes and three swords? And you and Luffy are ‘Doggy Style’ cause well, you’re loyal to him like a dog and-”

            “I don’t particularly need an explanation, Nami. Couples? Why the hell are you trying to pair me off with someone? I don’t have time to date even if I were interested in them,” Zoro’s arms crossed in irritation as he looked over the sheet, “Wait, you did this for everyone?”

            “Well, just the eligible bachelors,” Nami took the sheet back, glancing over it herself, “We left out Brook and Chopper. Also Robin and Franky. And myself and Usopp.”

            “…So just Luffy, that shit cook, and me?”

            “Sort of, but not really Luffy as much,” she shrugged, “We decided his date for Valentine’s Day would probably be food.”

            “This is for a Valentine’s Day date? You don’t have a date,” he said flatly to Nami.

            “Excuse you, I do have a date. When we land on the island that was spotted this morning, Usopp and I are going out for food and drinks.”

            Confusion was one of those feelings that Zoro didn’t like for a multitude of reasons. One of the main reasons being it hurt his head. Another reason was that it was a feeling that came super easy to him. This morning found him in a constant state of this annoying feeling, “Since when were you and Usopp dating?”

            Usopp just offered smile, “Well, we’re not actually ‘dating.’ We just thought it’d be fun to sorta…fake it for a day.”

            “A platonic date,” Nami nodded.

            “Why do I need a date again?” Zoro’s eyebrow twitched, not sure if he wanted an answer.

            “Because at this rate we’re never going to be able to marry you off. So we’ve compiled a list of three people we think would be perfect for you,” Nami said.

            “You think Perona, Tashigi, or Luffy would be perfect for me?”

            “It’s not an exact science,” Nami shrugged, “We actually also were thinking of your couple name with Sanji when you came by.”

            “Wait, Sanji? I hate that bastard cook!”

            “You know Nami, I did really like ZoSan for that one, our puns weren’t nearly as good,” Usopp had let his chin fall into the palm of his head as he thought out loud.

            “Don’t go pairing me with that asshole! Don’t pair me with anyone! I don’t want or need a Valentine!” Zoro’s voice ripped across the Sunny, bringing the rest of the crew out of their distracted zones as they now were watching the scene.

            “He doesn’t want one because he can’t get one,” and with that comment Zoro stiffened, Nami and Usopp exchanged a glance.

            _No. No, you’re not serious,_ Usopp’s eyes were wide as he shook his head just millimeters from one side to the other.

            _It’ll be great,_ the spark in Nami’s eyes was strong. The sniper seemed to ponder the situation that was happening before he sighed.

            _So the bets we were talking about earlier?_

_If they bite, the bets are in play,_ Nami glanced over to where Zoro and Sanji were now locked in a death-glare as the angry auras from the two meshed together to create a normally terrifying combination.

            “I could get one if I wanted to! I just don’t want one!”

            “Sure. Okay. I’ll buy that,” the cook blew out a small stream of smoke as he looked up to the sky, “I’m sure the chicks dig your voice. I heard that forks in a blender are a real turn-on.”

            That was it. Zoro gripped his swords, beginning to pull them out before he felt a hand on his shoulder. A hand was on Sanji’s shoulder as well, gently but firmly keeping the two from killing each other. At just her touch, Sanji already appeared to be a lost cause but Nami’s eyes were set in a determination that made the Swordsman sick to his stomach. Her gaze flickered between the two men, “Okay. When we get to the island, you two will have until tonight to find a woman- or man. Convince this person to be your Valentine. Whoever gets a date first, wins. Simple.”

            Zoro’s hands left the swords on his hip as he stared, slack-jawed at the woman in front of him, “Absolutely not. Why would I want to do something as moronic as that?”

            “Right. He’d lose in five minutes,” Sanji said with a shrug, earning a glare from Zoro.

            “You’re going to creep out all of the women. I say you get slapped five times at least. And I’ll be there to laugh at each one,” the words were sharp, laced with a cockiness only reserved for these interactions with his least favorite member of the crew.

            “At least I’m not scared like you are, shit swordsman!”

            “I’m not scared! I could beat you and you know it, crappy cook!”

            “So it’s settled!” Nami clapped her hands together, releasing the two, “This will be fun. Better bring your A-game, because it looks like we’ll be docking soon!”

 

* * *

            “No way, Zoro picking up a date? Not possible,” Usopp shook his head as his fingers gripped a chip that was on the plate in front of him. They had hidden the Thousand Sunny off to the side with Robin and Franky volunteering to ‘look after’ the ship. Brook and Chopper had ventured off to explore the island while Luffy had sworn not to get into trouble and was actually eating happily at a restaurant not too far from the bar where Nami and Usopp were enjoying their ‘date.’

            They had been planning to have a ‘date’ like this for Valentine’s day weeks ago, but they hadn’t actually expected to be lucky enough to find land on the day. Especially not land with such a cute little bar. When they realized they’d be able to actually be on land, the two went all-out.

            Nami was wearing a strapless black sleeve dress with rhinestones along the upper part of the sweetheart neckline. Her blue pumps matched the blue sparkling clutch she held with fingers that had freshly painted nails. A diamond tear-drop necklace hung around her neck and she had spent at least an hour perfecting the smokey eyes with gentle beach curls in her normally straight, short hair. A date with her closest friend on the crew, her fellow weakling. She couldn’t remember a time she had felt so relaxed.

            Usopp was enjoying their date as well. He was thanking his lucky stars that he had decided to splurge on a nice formal outfit in one of the earlier towns. It had been Sanji’s suggestion- never know when you need a suit. So he was breaking it in, putting an orange undershirt under the suit jacket. It was unbuttoned at the top, a watch decorating his wrist. The suit itself was a dark chocolate color, his own hair pulled back into a neat ponytail with strands framing his face. They had been waiting for Zoro and Sanji to make their ways to this bar where they had told the two to meet them once they had gotten a date, “I mean, Zoro’s great and all… but you have to admit, his people skills leave a bit to be desired. He’s kind of the definition of an awkward turtle. Also, are we sure he can find this place?”

            “I’m sure he’ll find a date. And us. Hopefully,” Nami shrugged as she bit into the chip with a crunch, “If not, well, Chopper can probably get his scent.” She gripped the handle of the mug that held her fourth beer that evening. She had at least fifteen more to go before she even felt a little tipsy. Usopp, on the other hand, had simply opted for a tea. Before Usopp could respond though, the door to the bar opened and very familiar looking blonde-haired man walked in, “Wait, did he get a date already?”

            But after a couple of moments with no woman in sight, Sanji’s true reason for being there was made clear. He moved up to the bar, settling next to a pretty little brunette. Nami thought she saw something strange about Sanji, and she squinted her eyes to get a better look.

            “Oh my God,” she began to stifle a laughter as Usopp turned to stare, to try and see what Nami saw. He glanced at her with confusion in his dark eyes, “…his cheek… it’s so red!”

            And then he noticed it. His cheek, mostly covered by his blonde hair, was a deep, irritated red.

            A slapped red.

            “How many times did he get slapped?”

            “Four,” a familiar voice answered and a familiar hand reached forward to grab a chip. Nami and Usopp both glanced up at the figure hovering over them, stealing their food. There was the sound of a loud slap and a woman’s angry heels stomping across the bar, “Five. Hey. I was right!”

            “Did you get a Valetine, Zoro?” Usopp asked but Zoro just shook his head.

            “Nah, I was having trouble figuring out that damn forest, I only just got to town. Then I found Romeo over here and started following him ‘cause it’s funny.”

            “…We docked literally right next to town. We didn’t even try to hide that much,” Nami blinked before a fourth person came to their group, nursing his cheek.

            “Damn, it’s a tough crowd,” he muttered.

            “What’d you say to her?” Usopp blinked as he took a sip of the iced tea.

            “Just that she was beautiful, and that any man would be lucky to have her in his life, and if she were mine she wouldn’t ever have to work again,” he shrugged.

            “And what did you really say?” Nami tilted her head.

            “I got distracted by her beauty, okay? Though her beauty is nothing compared to yours, Nami-swannnn~”

            “Don’t flirt with a woman on a date, Sanji,” she shook her head with a sigh, “So you were being yourself and creeped her out, got it. Creeped out five girls this island? That’s a record for you.”

            “Low or high?” Zoro didn’t even bother to look at Sanji for any other reason than to scoff at his red cheek.

            “Well at least I’ve talked to women, you’ve been proving your uselessness,” Sanji shot at him.

            “Hey! I could get a date in one shot,” he said with a firm frown and crossed arms, “At least I wouldn’t be slapped five times.”

            “Show us,” the dare caused Sanji’s eye to glint and he grinned with anticipation at seeing the Swordsman fail. This was going to be good.

            “Fine!” Zoro turned, approaching a young blonde. The Swordsman stood next to her for a moment and grabbed her attention. Before Sanji knew it, he saw the girl put her hand on Zoro’s bicep, smiling at him, laughing.

            “Whoa, he’s actually doing it,” Usopp’s eyes were wide.

            “Dammit,” Nami frowned, “No, Zoro, no,” her eyebrows furrowed in a determined anger. But she wasn’t going to cheat. At least, not with Usopp watching. He’d nullify the bet and she’d get _nothing_.

            Thankfully(?) she had a knight by her side.

            _Nami doesn’t want this to happen? Then it won’t!_ The cook stepped forward and soon approached Zoro. He patted the man on the back.

            “I heard the good news this morning, pal. Just thought I’d say congratulations, you’ll be a great father,” and with another pat he was off to the side before Zoro could retaliate physically.

            “Wait, what? No!” Zoro’s eyes were wide as he stared back at the young woman who had nearly agreed to be his Valentine. She was scowling as she gripped the glass that held her red wine. With a flick of her wrist, Zoro found his face and white shirt covered in the red liquid. The girl stormed out and Zoro whirled on his heels to find himself staring into the eyes of a blonde cook he didn’t think he could hate more, “What the hell was that for? I knew you didn’t have any balls, but I didn’t think you would go so low as to cheat like that you bastard!”

            “Oh please, you were going to screw that up anyway. I was just expediting the process!”

            “I’m not you! Didn’t you see her? She totally digs my swords,” The urge to slice the man in front of him had never been higher.

            “She wasn’t interested in your swords, she was interested in your _sword_ or can’t you fucking read body language you shitty bastard? Have you even had sex?”

            “W-what? What kind of question is that?”

            “I mean, I have a hard time believing anyone would want to sleep with a shitty marimo like you. Grunts and caveman noises don’t usually have people dropping their pants.”

            The two members of the Straw Hat Pirates hardly noticed the stares they were getting from those around them as they fought. Not that they ever really noticed what was going on around them while they argued like a married couple, but the bar patrons found themselves watching the show intently.

            “You have no idea,” Zoro stood straight and let himself smirk, “In fact, I could even turn you on if I wanted to.”

            “You? Turn _me_ on? You couldn’t even turn on a stove!”

            The hand that gripped Sanji’s tie was firm, demanding, yet Sanji never felt worried. He might have highly disliked the swordsman, but he trusted him. Sanji felt himself being pulled towards the green-haired man, Zoro’s hot breath on his neck, going up the sensitive skin and finding Sanji’s ear where he whispered in a low, husky voice, “Is that a challenge?”

            Suddenly, speaking was hard. But he managed to get out one simple word, “Yes.”

            From their spot in the bar, Nami watched with satisfaction as Zoro pulled a flustered looking Sanji away from the bar and off to what she could only assume was a more secluded place.

            It was really hard to believe his eyes, but the scene spoke for itself and Usopp glanced over to Nami. A small grin appeared in the corner of his mouth, mirroring the one that appeared on her face.

            “Nailed it,” Nami high-fived her date, the grins on both their faces expanding, “I can’t wait to tell the others! They’re gonna owe me so much!”

            “I can’t believe your ‘ZoSan for profit’ plot actually worked,” Usopp took out the sheet of paper with detailed plans.

            “It’s really all about reading body language. The two of them fight all the time, and they’re both at the maturity of four-year-olds which means they insult the person they like. All we had to do was provide that little…push.”

            “And you’re happy because that means he isn’t going after that Marine woman?” Usopp tilted his head. Nami just smiled softly to herself, chuckling lightly.

            “Hey, we’re on a date together. I’m not going to be thinking about others while I’m with you. That’s rude,” she laughed lightly. But she paused a moment before speaking again, “You miss her?”

            There wasn’t any confusion in who ‘her’ was. Usopp just smiled to himself, “We’ve written. I sent her something for today. Oh! I almost forgot. Happy Valentine’s day,” he gently placed a small, wrapped package in front of her, “We didn’t actually have any wrapping paper, so I just painted polka dots on a paper towel.”

            She let her hands go over the small package before she opened her clutch and took out a small package as well. This was actually wrapped in a decent wrapping paper, “We did have some, I just forgot to put it back. Sorry,” she laughed lightly as they both held their gifts.

            “One…” Usopp started.

            “Two…” Nami continued.

            “Three!” The two said in unison.

            The sound of ripping paper was the only one between the two.

            “Oh, Usopp, it’s beautiful,” she found herself staring at a bracelet with three orange round gems on a chain that sparkled in the dancing light of the candle on their table.

            “It’s not much, I just thought of you when I saw it,” he then looked at his own gift. A small necklace with a medium-sized square frame of a pendant. Inside it bore the words ‘We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.’

            “I remembered the words from a story I used to like. It was about a band of outlaws… sort of like us. Now help me put this on,” she held out her wrist with the bracelet draped over it. Without question Usopp helped her with the hook.

            “Great words for a brave warrior of the sea,” he gave her a wink, slipping the necklace over his head, the pendant resting perfectly against his skin right where his shirt came together at the third button.

            A satisfied silence fell over the two as they munched on the remainder of their chips.

            “Hey, Usopp?”

            “Yeah, Nami?”

            “We’re fucking awesome.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Things referenced:  
> ‘We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.’ - From Firefly


End file.
